It has been thirteen years since I first laid my eyes upon you. I’ve never forgotten and I never will. The memories are separated further and further by time but the memories never fade and I hope they never will.
Yesterday your mom and I, along with your sister Caryn and brother Jared went out and played with some alligators at a park in Florida. We even managed to get your mom to pick up an alligator, which was no small feat. No worries though, it was all safely done with a guide. I imagine you would have had as much fun as your brother and sister. Any ways, this is all part of a vacation that we decided to take this year. But I do so much wish you were here… we all do.
I imagine what you might be doing now or anticipate doing as a thirteen year old boy. I’m sure some of it would cause a bit of worry with your mom and I but I know there would be so much to boast and brag about on you, just as we do with your sister and brother.
As I think about you and think about life, there is more than I could ever write down. I still mourn your passing and I still wonder from time to time about the questions of why you didn’t live and what God was doing when you stopped breathing… why he allowed this to happen. I don’t have any great answers but at this point in life I don’t worry about getting those answers as there are not any easy answers to such questions.
My faith, Kenny, is big enough to live with the disappointment, the grief, and the questions. More importantly, whatever doubts there are, God is big enough to handle them. I don’t have answers to every aspect of faith but I believe in Jesus, I believe that he conquered sin and death by dying on the cross and being raised again from death. That’s what gives me hope or who gives me hope.
And when Jesus comes again…
Thirteen years seems so short and yet it seems so long since I first held you and then held you no more. But one day we will embrace once again. How I long for that day, my son!
With great love,