Is This For Real?

A recent add seeking a preacher read as follows:

@#$%&#$^, a new congregation, seeks a dynamic full-time minister to come and minister to us. The church started in the ***** area almost two years ago and now has 150 members. We are now at a point where we need a full-time minister to come and join the team. This will be our first full time staff position. We still do not own a building, so please send your resume via email. If you are interested in a rewarding and successful ministry, then please apply. Here are the qualifications we are looking for: Professional: § Leadership – Training and/or Understanding of the dynamics of leadership and management. Past experience and success in organizational management is a plus. § Self-Starter – The candidate should be a self-starter, not requiring supervision § Visionary – The candidate should be a visionary, having a clear vision for the church and the ability to realize that vision. § Musical Ability – Though not required, the ability to train or lead in the praise and worship team and the music ministry is a huge plus. § Technological – Familiarity with technology is greatly desired. Computer and PowerPoint experience is a must. § Presentation – It is desired that the candidate have a strong and polished public presentation with a good public speaking voice § Supervision – The candidate should be willing to work under the direction and supervision of the leadership committee that is temporarily in place until the appointment of elders. § Track Record – The candidate must have a track record of church growth and experience in a medium and large church environments. Theological: § Training – The candidate must hold an advanced degree from a theological training institution. A minimum of Master’s level is preferred. § Contemporary – The Candidate should have a good understanding of contemporary culture and be able to relate his ministry directly to modern culture. § Pastoral – The candidate should have the ability to perform pastoral duties for the congregation such as counseling, visitation, encouragement, etc. § Conservative – The Candidate should be conservative theologically and believe that the Bible is the inspired and authoritative word of God and believe in the five steps of salvation. The candidate must not have any liberal leanings. § Tradition – The candidate must be well versed in Church of Christ traditions that date to the early restoration movement and comfortable with it. The Candidate should also be aware of the centuries of Christian traditions that extend back to the first three centuries of the church and be willing to re-capture what has been lost. § Small Groups – The Candidate must understand and be in support of relational small group ministries in the church. § Bible Translation – The Candidate must agree to use only King James or the 1901 American Standard Version of the Bible in his public preaching and teaching. § Additional Training – It is strongly desired that the candidate engage in ongoing training and learning through classes, seminars, and workshops. The congregation will pay 50% of expenses incurred for these. § Issues – The congregation expects the candidate to be knowledgeable on various religious issues, especially those in the Churches of Christ. The candidate must be willing to speak and teach concerning these issues so as to bring the congregation up to speed on them so that they are warned and instructed. § Purpose Driven – The candidate must have a Purpose-Driven ministry philosophy and be able to lead in the development of purpose driven ministry. Personal § Discipline – The candidate must have a strong prayer life and engage regularly in spiritual disciplines § Relational – The candidate must be strongly relational and work well with other people § Spirituality – The candidate should not be success driven, but have a deep, abiding relationship with God that shows in his humility, thoughtfulness, and reflections. § Marriage – It is strongly desired that the candidate should be happily married. § Children – It is desired that the candidate have at least two children, or plan on having at least two children. § Age – The candidate should be between 30 – 40 years of age. Please send your resume to: #%$%^@%&#.com

I don’t know if this is a joke or not but I can assure you that this is a classical example of an add that I would never even consider.  The funny thing is, I don’t think such a church would even consider Jesus or even Peter or Paul for the opening.

13 responses to “Is This For Real?

  1. Oh. That is sick. You don’t want to say what periodical it was in? I too hope it is a joke.

  2. Actually, the copied the add from Lipscomb University’s web site. I also noticed the add was placed on ACU’s website too (though part of the add was cutt off). Like all of the CoC universities, ACU and Lipscomb seem to be pretty diverse in terms of what types of advertisements are posted.

  3. So how did they grow without such a dynamic visionary before?

    Whats the point?

  4. I love the part about how the candidate
    “…should be a self-starter, not requiring supervision”

    and

    “…The candidate should be willing to work under the direction and supervision of the leadership committee that is temporarily in place until the appointment of elders”

    Well, which is it?

  5. Pingback: Another Reason I Don’t Miss the Ministry « And Another Thing…

  6. I am just tired in reading this. I feel bad for the man that gets this job.

    http://www.matthewsblog.waynesborochurchofchrist.org

  7. This can’t be real. Besides contradicting itself, the tell-tale signs that typically identify a congregation’s character are out of whack. What church insists on using only KJV or ASV 1901 but at the same time is “Purpose Driven”?

    This has to be a fake.

  8. No, whatever preacher would actually take this job has probably did other churches a favor by taking this job rather than the others that are being offered.

  9. I think it must be bogus. On the other hand, this questionnaire is reportedly authentic:

    1. Do you use tobacco in any form? Yes __ No __ I Cor.6:19,20

    2. Do you use alcohol or do you believe that “social drinking” is alright? Yes __ No __ I Cor.6:19,20; Gal. 5:19,20

    3. Have you or your spouse been married prior to your present marriage?

    Yes __ No ___

    4. Do you believe that divorce and later remarriage is sinful except it be for fornication (one having put away his or her mate because of fornication)? Yes ___ No __ Matt.19:9; Rom.7:1-4

    5. Is God’s marriage law only amenable to Christians? Yes __ No ___

    Matt.19:9 “Whosoever”

    6. Is the Bible verbally (word for word) inspired of God? Yes __ No __ II Tim.3:16,17

    7. Are there “good” people in denominations who will be saved in their present condition? Yes __ No ___ Eph.4:4 “One body” Eph.5:23

    8. Does the Holy Spirit operate to save a person in any other way than through the Word of God? Yes __ No ___

    9. Is mechanical instrumental music permissible in worship to God? Yes __ No ___ Eph.5:19; Col.3:16 The instrument is the “heart”.

    10. Did God use the evolutionary process to help in creating the world? Yes __ No ___ Genesis 1ff, Six days of creation See: Ex.20:11

    11. Must a person be baptized (immersed) in water to be saved? Yes ___ No __ Rom.6:3,4 Burial in water

    12. Must one understand that baptism is for the remission of past sins prior to baptism?

    Yes ___ No __ Acts 2:38; 22:16

    13. Is the modern dance sinful? Yes ___ No __

    Lasciviousness, reveling and such like of Gal.5:19-21 condemn the modern dance.

    14. Do you believe that it is necessary for one to be a member of the church of Christ in order to be saved? Yes ___ No __ Acts 20:28; Eph.5:23

    15. Is mixed (men and women) swimming in modern swimwear sinful? Yes ___ No __

    Violates laws of modesty and produces lust. I Tim. 2:11-12; Matt.5:28

    16. Do you believe a woman can preach, pray, or teach in mixed (men and women) classes or assemblies of the church? Yes __ No ___ I Tim.2:8-15

    17. Is the Bible the only guide we need in spiritual matters? Yes __ No __ II Peter 1:3

    18. Can a Christian practice the wearing of immodest clothing in public and still be pleasing to God? Yes __ No __ I Tim. 2:11-12

    19. Should the Lord’s Supper be observed every first day of the week? Yes __ No __

    Acts 20:7; I Cor. 16:1-2

    20. Could the Lord’s Supper be taken at other times (Wednesday, Thursday, etc. or at a

    Wedding Service) and be acceptable to God? Yes __ No __ Reason: Not authorized

    21. To be faithful, the church must withdraw from every brother/sister that walks

    disorderly and is unwilling to repent of their sin. Yes ___ No __ II Thess. 3:6

    22. Must we defend the gospel of Christ? Yes ___ No __ Phil.1:17

    23. Is there a difference in the gospel and doctrine? Yes __ No ___

    Acts 5:28; I Tim.1:10-11; Acts 13:7,8,10,12

    24. Can one congregation cooperate with another congregation in works authorized by
    God. Yes ___ No __ II Cor. 8-9 Churches of Macedonia

    25. Can the church use money out of it’s treasury to help or aid those who are not Christians? Yes ___ No __ Gal.6:10; II Cor.9:13

    26. Is the church that Christ established in any way a denomination? Yes __ No ___

    27. Do you believe one can practice the rights and orders of free masonry and be a faithful Christian at the same time? Yes __ No ___

    28. I believe there are modern versions that are as good or better than the King James Version, the American Standard Version of 1901 and the New King James Version?

    Yes __ No ___

    29. I believe the preacher is under the oversight of the local elders? Yes __ No __

    Heb.13:17;Acts 20:28

    30. I believe elders have authority to hire a preacher and also to dismiss a preacher?

    Yes ___ No __ I Peter 5:2 “Feed the flock of God…” Allows for elders to hire a preacher to provide teaching (spiritual food) to the congregation and also allows for

    them to replace a preacher when such is not being accomplished effectively.

  10. I once had a church submitt a 250 question ere (I kid you not) in which I had to either answer yes or no and then cite a biblical verse to support my answer. I immediately withdrew my resume.

  11. That ad is scary. Do people even have a clue anymore???

  12. To borrow words from Mr. T., “I pity the fool.” I wonder if they are just actually stating what many congregations use as their criteria, but most are clever enough not to say all that.

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