A recent add seeking a preacher read as follows:
@#$%&#$^, a new congregation, seeks a dynamic full-time minister to come and minister to us. The church started in the ***** area almost two years ago and now has 150 members. We are now at a point where we need a full-time minister to come and join the team. This will be our first full time staff position. We still do not own a building, so please send your resume via email. If you are interested in a rewarding and successful ministry, then please apply. Here are the qualifications we are looking for: Professional: § Leadership – Training and/or Understanding of the dynamics of leadership and management. Past experience and success in organizational management is a plus. § Self-Starter – The candidate should be a self-starter, not requiring supervision § Visionary – The candidate should be a visionary, having a clear vision for the church and the ability to realize that vision. § Musical Ability – Though not required, the ability to train or lead in the praise and worship team and the music ministry is a huge plus. § Technological – Familiarity with technology is greatly desired. Computer and PowerPoint experience is a must. § Presentation – It is desired that the candidate have a strong and polished public presentation with a good public speaking voice § Supervision – The candidate should be willing to work under the direction and supervision of the leadership committee that is temporarily in place until the appointment of elders. § Track Record – The candidate must have a track record of church growth and experience in a medium and large church environments. Theological: § Training – The candidate must hold an advanced degree from a theological training institution. A minimum of Master’s level is preferred. § Contemporary – The Candidate should have a good understanding of contemporary culture and be able to relate his ministry directly to modern culture. § Pastoral – The candidate should have the ability to perform pastoral duties for the congregation such as counseling, visitation, encouragement, etc. § Conservative – The Candidate should be conservative theologically and believe that the Bible is the inspired and authoritative word of God and believe in the five steps of salvation. The candidate must not have any liberal leanings. § Tradition – The candidate must be well versed in Church of Christ traditions that date to the early restoration movement and comfortable with it. The Candidate should also be aware of the centuries of Christian traditions that extend back to the first three centuries of the church and be willing to re-capture what has been lost. § Small Groups – The Candidate must understand and be in support of relational small group ministries in the church. § Bible Translation – The Candidate must agree to use only King James or the 1901 American Standard Version of the Bible in his public preaching and teaching. § Additional Training – It is strongly desired that the candidate engage in ongoing training and learning through classes, seminars, and workshops. The congregation will pay 50% of expenses incurred for these. § Issues – The congregation expects the candidate to be knowledgeable on various religious issues, especially those in the Churches of Christ. The candidate must be willing to speak and teach concerning these issues so as to bring the congregation up to speed on them so that they are warned and instructed. § Purpose Driven – The candidate must have a Purpose-Driven ministry philosophy and be able to lead in the development of purpose driven ministry. Personal § Discipline – The candidate must have a strong prayer life and engage regularly in spiritual disciplines § Relational – The candidate must be strongly relational and work well with other people § Spirituality – The candidate should not be success driven, but have a deep, abiding relationship with God that shows in his humility, thoughtfulness, and reflections. § Marriage – It is strongly desired that the candidate should be happily married. § Children – It is desired that the candidate have at least two children, or plan on having at least two children. § Age – The candidate should be between 30 – 40 years of age. Please send your resume to: #%$%^@%&#.com
I don’t know if this is a joke or not but I can assure you that this is a classical example of an add that I would never even consider. The funny thing is, I don’t think such a church would even consider Jesus or even Peter or Paul for the opening.